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Anyway, I was so happy to hear his voice and I said, “Hey how did you—““The man next to you is Todd,” he cut in, “and he wants to take you home right now.”“Um, well —“ “Just do as you’re told. He has something for you in his car.”“Dan, I'm really not in the mood,” I lied.“I’m not asking you, I'm telling you.” Typical dom. “You were supposed to have met him before with me but he was out of the country.”“Okay, so what do you want me to do?” “You will be leaving with him now,” he said and ended the call. Todd looked at me and I handed the phone back to him. “I’ll see you in the parking lot in three minutes,” he said, pocketing the phone. “Don't make me wait any longer.” He had a strong accent — Austrian, I discovered later — but I was really rather shocked at this sudden turn of events. Then again, I’m always horny at the gym and… well, he wasn't unattractive by a long shot as I watched him walk away. I wiped down my machine and made for the parking lot.I was nervous but Dan sent a text:. ”“There you go,” the serpent said, “a sperm sac behind you g-spot, you are all set for reproduction. Mind you, beware of self-fertilization. One time when we had two women, the thirteenth world, was a little unlucky. They made self-fertilization a cult and the zombie apocalypse resulted.”“Would it help if we had a turkey baster?” I asked. Lorde touched a fallen twig with her crook and it turned into a turkey baster.“Of all the things you could have asked the Lorde for, Annie, you wanted a fucking turkey baster,” Eve said.“Ever practical darling,” I replied.This was turning out to be a long day, but we knew what we had to do. With eyes locked lovingly, Eve and I bit into the crisp red apple. As we sucked on the exquisite sweetness of the fruit from the tree of knowledge, paradise oozed away, dripping into the grass and then dirt like raindrops running down a windowpane.Dissolving paradise left us standing in the sun in a rift valley, somewhere in what we would have called Africa. Well.
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